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The Cardinal Rules

Doug X
1 min readDec 11, 2021
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

I have the urge I just can’t quell it
to study hard, become a prelate
I could learn the laws of God
I’ve seen priests it can’t be hard

Though if I were to be a prelate
I suppose I must be celibate
that’s not so different from my dating life
and for many years the priests had wives

of course once I’m rising through the ranks
by greasing palms and saying grace
I can have a mistress on the side
the press will this from their reports elide

since we have a press that’s supine
since the 90’s there’s not but one or two spines
the slightest word from my corporate backers
will make sure they remain exquisite slackers

for a powerful prelate I will preach
the market is the good lord’s reach
into the word of present day
he blesses each CEO’s pay

for when Jesus threw the money lenders out
outrage wasn’t what it was about
the reason JC played was so rough
is they weren’t capitalist enough

No Rino’s in the temple proper
when I’m the one who holds the cropper
we will worship Mammon at the holy see
renamed at last to Papal Disney

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Doug X
Doug X

Written by Doug X

Doug X is a writer of books, songs and incisive political articles.

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